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[Jan. 31st, 2009|08:42 am]
mutley


Remember - should a unicorn get close enough to touch you with it's pingers then you are most likely dead.

In the unlikely circumstance you live in spite of the odds, thrust several fingers into the gonophore sphincter, wherein two or more eggs are likely to be exiting during its excitable state. This should agitate the unicorn enough momentarily allowing you to escape being impaled on the wildly flailing bile duct.
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Comments:
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[User Picture]From: pac
2009-01-30 09:53 pm (UTC)
i never realized unicorns were so...

complicated.
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-30 09:59 pm (UTC)
Indeed, they're the most complex of all the bivalves.
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[User Picture]From: maltlick
2009-01-30 10:07 pm (UTC)
OBVIOUSLY inaccurate. The horn is for performing hysterectomies upon non-virgin females.
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-30 10:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, you Pre-Raphaelites and your fanciful imaginings.
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:38 am (UTC)
Noone has lived to tell, it's mere hearsay I say.
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[User Picture]From: dr_tectonic
2009-01-30 10:22 pm (UTC)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee
*terror*
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:39 am (UTC)
But the sheer majesty outweighs the fear, right?
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[User Picture]From: porsupah
2009-01-30 10:24 pm (UTC)
I'd so like to see this as the basis for a special Look Around You on the topic.

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[User Picture]From: glitteringlynx
2009-01-31 12:21 am (UTC)
Seconded!
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[User Picture]From: pebblepup
2009-01-30 10:33 pm (UTC)
Amazing to think that just one hive of these wove almost the whole of the worldwide web.
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:42 am (UTC)
You just made my day that much better!
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[User Picture]From: shatterstripes
2009-01-30 10:55 pm (UTC)
Where do these fearful things fit into the tree of life, anyway?
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:43 am (UTC)
The knobbly branch that taps against your window on a dark and stormy night.
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[User Picture]From: wingywoof
2009-01-30 11:31 pm (UTC)
How informative!
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:43 am (UTC)
Tell everyone!
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From: pvenables
2009-01-30 11:59 pm (UTC)
This is the best thing I've seen in a long while.

You should post this on monstermanual.
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[User Picture]From: okaree
2009-01-31 12:22 am (UTC)
I second the hell out of this comment.
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From: mattlazycat
2009-01-31 12:05 am (UTC)
You rock my world, sir. :)
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:45 am (UTC)
And the magic of unicorns works its ... magic... again.
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[User Picture]From: butfirst
2009-01-31 12:31 am (UTC)
You had me at gonophore. ♥
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:45 am (UTC)
That and Lotch kept me giggling for aaages.
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[User Picture]From: turbinerocks
2009-01-31 12:44 am (UTC)
This is how Steve Irwin died.
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:46 am (UTC)
Pierced by the majesty of the proud unicorn he forgot to palpitate the gonophore to effect an escape.

A sad day I will never forget.
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 01:47 am (UTC)
The unicorn will do that to one.
*nods sagely*
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From: ishtasm
2009-01-31 02:16 am (UTC)
BEST EVER
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 06:23 am (UTC)
EVERYONE WINS!
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[User Picture]From: prickvixen
2009-01-31 02:49 am (UTC)
I hear you can milk it for unicorn jelly!
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[User Picture]From: mutleyjames
2009-01-31 06:23 am (UTC)
You have to thrust a virgin into it's path first though.

Then it's jelly for days!
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